2014: The year of the pear shape

Disclaimer: This blog is about ass.

Is it just me or is everything on the radio, TV, and internet centered around backsides????? Revolved on the rear????? Abundant in booty?? okthatsalligot

In this blog, we'll go over the events leading to the year of the pair shape, and try to understand why this is happening and how we feel about it.

"He can tell I ain't missing no meals"

Feeling like I need to get tested after watching this video.

Anaconda by Nikki Minaj. Where do I even begin? Whose idea was this? Is Sir Mix A Lot making crazy royalties right now??? Who is Troy from Detroit? What does Drake have to do with anything?? I'm uncomfortable???

Spoiler alert, there is nothing redeeming about this song EXCEPT for the lyric seen above.

He can tell I ain't missin' no meals.

Nikki spits out this original diddy in-between awkward stories about Troy and Michael, may God bless them both.

We get it, Nikki. You lift 3 lb weights and consume all your meals in the jungle and all of this is just giving the ass-bandwagon more gas.

#Seltering

Sorry about the G rated picture.

Jen Selter, forever known as the girl who works out a lot, but apparently only squats, because I don't know if anyone else has noticed but the rest of her body is normal, DARE I SAY BORDERLINE WEAK.

JEN SELTER, IF UR READING THIS,  I CHALLENGE THEE TO AN ARM WRESTLING MATCH.

Me losing an arm wrestling match to a woman in a leopard top, July 2013.

But rly, srsly, who is Jen Selter and where did she come from and why is she ruining all of our lives? Like even I, someone who has always been under the impression I had a decent backside if I must be forced to say so myself, can no longer feel confident in that statement because this barely legal girl from New York exists. And it's fine. It's fine. At least I have my blog and my dignity.

Another thing: Apparently it's possible to have over 4 MIL followers on Instagram and no Wikipedia page, so I have no faith in the internet anymore.

The frustrating part for most women in America is that her Instagram media is just photos of her backside, without any nutrition or fitness tips. AT LEAST WHEN KIM KARDASHIAN POSTS A SELFIE, WE KNOW THE PROCESS OF HOW IT GOT THERE.

Throw us a bone, Jen Selter!!! How did you do it???? What do you even eat???? Do you even go to school?? Are there chairs in your house or do you squat while you do homework???? What do your parents think about this???? What is your favorite color???

I JUST THINK THIS IS INFORMATION WE SHOULD ALREADY KNOW. WHAT IS SOCIAL MEDIA EVEN GOOD FOR.

Also, I think she invited the world #belfie, which is truly only something that could only happen in 2014 by Generation Y.

Miley twerking (or something)

This picture gets me EVERY TIME

What's a good example without a bad example? Miley proved to the world that you can talk the talk without walking the walk (er twerking the twerk).

I still went to her concert and it was still awesome so I'm going to just stop here.

The most original music artists of the year

WAY TO COME OUT WITH A SONG TITLED "BOOTY." VERY GROUNDBREAKING AND CONGRATS TO YOU BOTH FOR THIS OUTSTANDING CONTRIBUTION TO SOCIETY.

While Miley can't twerk to save her spanx, JLO & Iggy prove just the opposite. They recently came out with the song "Booty" and let me tell you something, it makes "Anaconda" sound like "Imagine" by John Lennon. IT IS SO PAINFULLY ATROCIOUS. IT'S NOT EVEN THE TYPE OF CATCHY THAT YOU HATE TO LOVE. IT'S JUST BORING.

At least anaconda required a fraction of creativity to come up with (?). Never thought I'd stick up for the song Anaconda but this is what my generation has brought me to.

In JLO & Iggy's defense, they do indeed know how to shake it, and own it. Unlike our next subject who can't shake it and owns it.

Almost, T

ok but i freakin luv this song <3

I applaud Taylor for her awkward attempt in joining in on the ass trend and then shaking it off when she realizes she just can't. White girl just can't even. But she knows it and she owns it and we love her for it and I want to shake shake shake until I die.

I wish I had some pear shape references from TV but I am bad at TV and somehow twerking and  high waisted shorts aren't on the History channel or reruns of The Office, idk, it's really weird.

And then we have Yonce, who just really SETS THE STANDARD FOR WOMEN IN AMERICA REALLY LOW. NOT.