Long lost Nazi diary, a document signed by Lincoln, Amanda Bynes' record deal, and other random items found this week

Okay first of all, I just want to start off this blog by saying, EVERYTHING SAID/MENTIONED/BROUGHT UP IN THE TITLE ABOVE IS NOT AN EXAGGERATION OR FABRICATION OF ANY KIND OR SORT. All true. All happened. All in the news. This week.

POLL:
Which are you more shocked about:
A) Two important and seemingly gone-forever documents, involving two of the most prominent figures in history, were FOUND this week

-or-

B) Amanda Bynes was offered a hip hop record deal

If you need time to sit and ponder that question for the next 87 years, then yes, please join me in doing so. Forget the whole AmandashitShow, let's just stick to important US news right now. Literally, an effing document signed by ABRAHAM EFFING LINCOLN was "randomly" found in a desk of a college president in Pennsylvania. LIKE WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?! SO THAT DESK HASN'T BEEN CLEANED IN LIKE OVER A HUNDRED YEARS I GATHER. 

FIRE YOUR CLEANING SERVICES.

If that wasn't out of left field enough for you, don't worry, the media came out with another hum-dinger of a story this week. A 400 page diary of one of Hitler's ol' buddies was found and I quote, "still unclear where the diary was discovered" LIKE, WAIT, WHAT???????????? COME AGAIN??? YOU'RE GOING TO PUBLSH A STORY THAT A FREAKING HOLOCAUST/NAZI DIARY WAS FOUND THIS WEEK **BUT. YOU. DON'T. KNOW. WHERE**???????? WILL YOU KINDLY REPEAT THAT??????????????????????????????????????

#MediaAgenda is #UpToSomething and #ItSmellsFishy 

What am I going to read in the news tomorrow??????? Is JFK's signed bank statement going to show up in the local Walmart cash register?????? Is Tupac going to sing at an awards show????? oh wait that already happened #coachella

I, FOR ONE, CANNOT WAIT TO SEE WHAT THE NEWS COMES OUT WITH NEXT.
KIND OF HOPING IT HAS TO DO WITH MERMAIDS. 

{original image: here}