Why Spotify Is Better Than Your Last Boyfriend

Last summer was really hard for me.

 I went through a break up...

WITH ITUNES.

And honey, it was the best decision I've ever made. Since you've been gone, iTunes, I can breathe for the first time. I'm so moving on, yeah. Yeah. Thanks to you, now I get what I want.

Since we said our goodbyes, iTunes, I've both found myself and someone else. I rediscovered a purpose for living... I found passions I didn't know I had... I found someone who can be there whether I'm happy, sad, energetic, tired, or bored... someone who knows what I want even when I don't know what I want... someone who isn't there to judge me... someone who knows my favorite things and centers its life around my preferences..

SPOTIFY<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Okay, getting serious now, what did the music-loving music population do before Spotify was in existence? I suppose B.S. (before Spotify) us muggles were forced to BUY EH-VER-REY FREAK-ANG song on iTunes OR risk our LIVES illegally downloading through GOD KNOWS WHAT PLATFORMS or going through 87 different refreshed pages to download it through YouTube--which AIN'T NOBODY GOT THA TIME FOR--just for the sake of listening to 2 Chainz while you get ready to go out on the weekends.

But gone are the days that you have to sell your soul to iTunes or miscellaneous internet downloading sites just to hear your favorite shoo bop doo wops. Jesus loves us, this I know, for THE INVENTION OF SPOTIFY TELLS ME SO.

Why is Spotify so great, you ask yourself, what's the big hoo-rah about, you wonder, why the heck do I need to go premium, you ponder, or Who is Spotify and does he have any friends I can date??? Behold my reasons for falling in love with a music-based social media platform.

Why Spotify is better than your last boyfriend.

1. Spotify keeps you informed. It lets you follow your friends' playlists and see what they're listening to in real time. I like this because I get sick of my music and once you find one or two super musically-inclined hipsters, you'll never be at a loss of what to listen to on a Tuesday night. Besides, discovering what a person listens to is just super telling. 
2. Spotify doesn't judge you. Hi, I like Miley Cyrus, we can't stop. I cannot stop. That song is good and I won't stop. But you know what? I don't have to stop. I can play all day err day until SUNday because Spotify let's me engage "private mode," in which I can frolick to WE CAN'T STOP in the privacy of my own eardrums and not broadcast it to Facebook Nation.
3. Spotify understands you when you don't understand you. For all you Pandora groupies, you don't have to fret about the transition to Spotify. The "radio" feature lets you pick a song, and it delicately hand-crafts a radio based on a song of your preference... #truelove
4. Spotify does the work for you. For those of you who know what you kind of sort of want to listen to, but not sure what artists to choose, and aren't sure where to start, and aren't sure what to do with your hands, fear not. The "lazify" feature app literally makes an entire playlist for you based on a song of your choice. This feature will not clean your house.
5. Spotify knows how you like your coffee. No it doesn't. But it does automatically keep track of all your favorite songs. The ones you gave a star. And you know what? It will never forget your favorite things and they'll always be there waiting on you. <3
6. Spotify lets you reminisce on the past. Are you still lingering onto your old relationship? Spotify isn't here to be jealous. Spotify makes room for your baggage. That's why there's a "local files" feature that lets you access all your old (and most likely really lame music from high school) library. But don't even think about accessing Spotify through iTunes because once you go black you never go back. Err whatever, but it's not possible, I've tried.
7. Spotify wants to give you the world. Your last flame probably wasn't as generous. But with Spotify, you have a WOLRD of music at your fingertips. Like... The. World. TODO EL MUNDO, Y'ALL.
8. Spotify loves you only as much as you let it. I let it love me at its fullest potential because romantic comedies teach you to not settle for less than you deserve AMIRITE. What I'm getting at is, Spotify premium is the way to go. It's time to commit. Take your relationship to the next level. Just $10 a month, y'all. Relationships take work. So if you have to work to pay that $10 a month, then sister, McDonald's is hiring in a city near you.

Music to solve all your problems.  

Just to drive my point home, since Spotify, I've seriously dived headfirst into tons of albums and artists I never would have in my iTunes days. 1) Because who can afford entire collections of Freddie King and Otis Redding, 2) Who can decide what they like in 30 seconds or less?????? don't answer that..... Spotify has made me into a person with half way decent taste in music. You too can get off your basic b#tch billboard chart toppers too, if you believe you can achieve. . . . <3