What Your Favorite Christmas Song Says About You

I've been listening to Christmas music like it's some form of life support.

What I internally feel like listening to Christmas music with headphones at work.

If you were to ask me my favorite seasonal songs, I could rattle off five without thinking--before my coffee. Which is saying something. In fact, I think it's safe to say you can gather a lot of information about someone after learning their favorite carols. Well, no, maybe not. But you may learn that everyone in America, no matter how old or sophisticated, is reduced to a bubbly teenager on the inside upon admitting a universal obsession for Mariah Carey's "All I want for Christmas is you."

1. All I want for Christmas is you
See above. You know you like this song and I will not stand for it if you say otherwise. However, Michael Buble also whipped up an equally satisfying version of this hit. Whichever way you like your AIWFC, it wouldn't be the holidays without it. So if it's your favorite, then welcome to the club. The club that is "Being Alive."

All of us, singing this song in the shower, every day of of our lives.

2. We wish you a merry christmas
If this carol is your favorite, it's clear that repetition does not get on your nerves. You probably really like routines and structure. News flash: this song is annoying this song is annoying this song is annoying. But at least I broke that news to you in a style I knew you'd appreciate.

3. Frosty the snowman
If this is your favorite song then either, A, you're five years old, or B, you're a sly read-between-the-lines type. I can't be the only one who realizes Frosty the snowman WAS A RECKLESS UNDERGRAD CAUSING ANARCHY IN A SMALL COLLEGE TOWN. Running around "the square" (Broadway street)???? Running from cops?? The "old silk hat" that made him dance around??? I think we can all unanimously agree that the "old silk hat" was a cleverly named shot at Mesquites (a bar for all you non-Lubbockites) back in the day. Sounds like the classic snow day at college to me.

The real Frosty the snowman. Guns up.

4. The Twelve Days of Christmas
Can you name all the prizes your true love gave to you all twelve days? Then this gem must be your favorite christmas carol. I can only gather this much about you:

1. You will be married by 21. You're in a rush to be drowning in gifts from your true love.
2. You're a friend of the animals (more specifically the geese, french hens, calling birds, and turtle doves).
3. You like even numbers. You probably have the volume on your TV set to an even number as you read this.
4. This step is only to round out the list to an even number for you. You're welcome.

5. Ave Maria

If this version by Josh Groban (or anything by JB) is your jam, then you're probably my mom. 

6. Silent Night

Is this your favorite Christmas song??? Seriously?? Womp, womp, that's depressing. You must be seriously stressed out. The holidays are too much for you. This song is the most peaceful two minutes you've had to yourself since labor day. This song isn't your favorite because it's describing Jesus' birthday, but because you're in desperate need of a silent night for yourself. 

We won't judge you if you wear these and drown everyone out until 2014.

7. Blue Christmas

If it's by Elvis, it's a classic and is worthy of being a favorite. If it's by someone else, then no. Fetch will never happen. 

8. It's the most wonderful time of the year

If this is your favorite Christmas song, I have no doubt in my mind that you are the reason retail stores put red and green decor out in August. You literally live for Christmas. Parties for hosting, marshmallows for toasting, you are ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL over that crap. You're head of the party planning committee. You ARE Santa Clause.

IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR.

Head of the party planning committee.

9. Feliz Navidad

You're not that big of a fan of the whole "Christmas thing." You're like, "Whatever, it's a reason to party." This whole month might as well be Cinco De Mayo for you. No judgement. In fact, you know what? I want to wish you a merry Christmas. From the bottom. Of my heart. 

10. Have yourself a merry little Christmas

Judy Garland. Gold. If you find yourself reminiscently staring out of your window on a dark, snowy night, you can only be doing one thing: thinking of boyfriends and almost-lovers past. No doubt you're single, in your twenties (or thirties or forties or fifties or sixties), and well, single (or married, or divorced, or engaged, or breathing). Reminding yourself you're the bigger person wishing the one that got away to have a merry little christmas. Well, GET OUT OF YOUR FUNK AND JOIN THE PARTY. Go have yourself a merry little cocktail. 

11. Carol of the bells

This song is a staple and there are at least 82 amazing covers of it, from hard core rock, to instrumental strings and piano. It's good with the words, it's good without the words. It's just good. Is this my favorite Christmas song?????

12. Santa Baby

You're a sneaker. A "spoofer" as my dad would say. This mischievous song is your favorite and coincidentally, you sneak peeks at your presents under the tree, you ate one of Santa's cookies when everyone else went to sleep and quite frankly, you're deserving of a few coals in your stocking.

Or this is your favorite because you want to seduce Santa which is weird and is a topic I'm not prepared to blog about thanks for reading bye.

If someone wants to bring me food, that would be okay. #stuckinapartment #nofood #snowpocalypse2013

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